THE LIFE OF THE RIDDLE

THE LIFE OF THE RIDDLE

Friday, January 30, 2009

Hate at first sight: Coke

I don't hate the white powder stuff--that stuff is actually pretty good. I'm talking about the other kind the Coke-cola disgusting stuff that people DRINK. The kind that can double as acid remover from your car battery.

When I was little most kids were so excited to have a coke. We were all raised by stay at home moms in the suburbs who did not allow their children to drink coke either for religious reasons (caffeine duh!) or because it will destroy your insides. (medical fact) Once at a picnic some moron (might have also been Mormon) only brought carbonated drinks. I was 5 and it was the middle of some enormous park and their was NO drinking fountain and nothing but soda. I thought I'd die and just ended up sucking on the ice.

When I was 18 I was a waitress in a Hippie town in Montana. I stayed up late every night pretending to be a Hippie playing the guitar on my front porch. It was a great life except when I had to work at 6 a.m. I heard that coke helped you stay awake. Being a waitress I had an unlimited supply to the coke fountain. I tried to get some down and I just couldn't. I couldn't do it. Coke was gross and made me want to barf.
When I was 20 my college friends and I took a road trip to Las Vegas. They LOVED LOVED wanted to marry Coke. I got dragged along to the Coke factory on the strip. I tried Coke from all different parts of the world. It was all disgusting. but not consistently disgusting. Why doesn't all Coke taste the same?Then one day on my mission of all places I was standing in the middle of Prager Strasse in Dresden (Germany) trying to awkwardly stop people and ask them about God when this beautiful girl my age but WAY cooler than me gave me a coke. The source of her coolness seemed to be the coke that she was handing out. Or maybe the red coke wagon she was riding in. Either way I had my first ENTIRE Coke. And I didn't throw up. It was a miracle. My mission really did have miracles.But when I got back to the states I tried it again and it was still not good. But it was a step above disgusting. So I became a social coke drinker. At parties I would hang out with a glass of coke and pretend to drink it. (dumb I know) One summer I had a fling with a "super cool" guy. He was Mr. downtownsaltlakecity. Everywhere we went people knew him. I mean people from all walks of life: the clubbers, the concert goers, the waitresses, the hippies, even the bankers. Pretty much everyone but the prophet knew him. He was also an AVID Coke drinker. I could NOT admit I hated Coke. I had to keep it on the DL.

But as time went by I found myself actually drinking more and more of the coke. Then I found that I could drink an entire coke. Then I actually started ordering it at restaurants. Once when I was 25 I went out to dinner with my MOM. I ordered a Coke and she was so shocked she said, "You could have just told me you were pregnant and I would not have been more surprised." Good thing I wasn't pregnant because downtownslc didn't end up being a very good guy.

Now I am a coke drinker. I still prefer water and as far as soda goes Root Beer is my favorite. I don't buy it but if it is free I'll have a few swigs. sigh. I've come so far down in the world. Coke was my hate at first sight/taste, but now I have acquired the taste.

11 comments:

Seventh Child said...

You're silly, Joanie!

Evenstar said...

Tsk. Sad Joanie, very sad. I've never drank coke!

Jani said...

I tried it once, and can't stand the stuff.

Sugarsmax said...

I agree, it tastes nasty. I will do the Dew, and I adore Root Beer, but it has to be a life and death situation for me to drink Coke. Love the chipmunk.

Kristine said...

I wish I could give the whole world a coke.

Kristine said...

Joan, guess what, that last comment was from my coke-obsessed drinking husband!!! I never want to be a coke addict, but sometimes nothing tastes better than a nice cold one. I can't believe you do the real stuff.

Kristin said...

Ok, ok.... so I went back and read the whole entry.... I guess we can still be friends!

Callie said...

I started drinking coke as it was the only diet option at restaurants. Now I too have developed a taste for the stuff. I made a rule though, I don't buy it, only order it at restaurants, and only sometimes... and Grant usually takes a few sips.

footballcrucible said...

You were a hippie? And who's downtownSLC guy?

The Queen Prawn said...

Uck! (Gags and exits) (peeks back) Did mom actually say that? One drop and I felt ill before when I tried.

Michemily said...

I also think coke products are nasty (that includes Dr. Pepper and Pepsi). Now I actually hate all carbonated drinks. Period. Blech. I had to laugh a few weeks ago, though. I was at an appointment with the sisters, and the investigator offered us coke. I said no, but after one of the sisters also said no, she gave them some anyway. After the appointment (which was great, by the way), one of the sisters said, "That was the first time I've ever had caffeine in my life." Ha ha ha. I told her she should have whispered something to me and I would have drunk it for her.