Thursday, February 18, 2010


I had a hunch this would happen. It still hit me hard. The news came while I was driving home from teaching. The nurse was very professional. But I just wanted her to hang up right away so I could cry. I didn't say much to her. I feared my voice would shake and betray me.

Now the optimistic among you will be saying: "But don't worry Spencer is most likely not a carrier." and "Wait to panic until you find out more." This is all good advice. I really appreciate all the love and support. I would feel very alone with out such wonderful friends and family. Thank you all.

Spencer has a 1/29 chance of being a CF carrier. If he is a carrier of CF then our children have a 25% chance of having CF.  I do not have CF.  Carriers of CF don't develop CF.  You either have it or you don't. 

It is hard to drive when you are crying.

Despite some really wonderful things that happened today....

1. A good friends Bachelorette party
2. Good talks with co-workers
3.Talking with Spencer

....this felt like a very dark day. Not even my bright yellow sweater or husband could make me feel better. I'm not asking for lots of loving responses.  I try to keep this blog as real as possible and this has been a very real day.  We all have them.  I can't wait for tomorrow.  


Missy said...

I know you didn't want any loving responses.
But still, I'm sorry to hear the news. Fingers are crossed that Spencer isn't a carrier.

The Blind Spot said...

Oh Joanie, that is sad to hear. I can't help it, but my gut tells me that Spencer isn't a carrier. And the good thing is that you won't develop it yourself. Tomorrow is a new day. Big hug and many besitos.

Cali said...

That's tough. Thanks for letting me know. I think that it's usually good to share your trials with the people that love you (or blogstalk you). It's amazing how little we usually know about other people and what they're coping with.

Nettina said...

Being a Bio teaching major and having done far too many genetics problems, punnett squares and in depth genetics (which is really obnoxious)... chances are pretty good you probably will find out that he is not a carrier and then none of your children have the chance of having it at all. They still will have a chance of carrying it, but they won't have it. So there is always hope! And even if you did find out he was also a carrier, there are parents out there that are both carriers, and have children, and none of them wind up having it. The teacher I am student teaching with has a friend who has children, one of them wound up having CF, but there is physical therapy and other things to do, and their kiddo is doing just fine with the modern helps. Thank goodness for technology! Just try to not stress about it too much for now... if that's possible. Love you!

Evenstar said...

I'm sorry, Joanie. I wish there was something I could do to help.

Cal said...

For some reason, there are so many frustrating/anxiety ridden times surrounding having kids. Our prayers are with you. Whatever the results, you will be such great parents to the special people who will be sent to you!

The Queen Prawn said...

Oh, Joanie. All I can say is I love you.